3 Secrets to Successful Band Director Marriages

Today’s post is written by my wife Jennifer.  She’s a stay at home mom now, but taught band for six years prior to becoming a mother. She’s written a great post with some tips on keeping your marriage healthy while juggling the responsibilities of a being a music educator.  You can read her blog here! Hope you enjoy it!

3 Secrets to Successful Band Director Marriages – by Jennifer Stidham

50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri. What about divorce rates among band directors/music educators? According to this article, band directors’ divorce rates are at 50%. Most of us have friends in this profession who have endured the pain and emotional turmoil of a failed marriage.


My husband is a high school band director. Since I was also a high school band director for six years, I understand the long hours, the grueling schedules, and the emotional investment required.

That doesn’t exempt him of his duties as a husband or father.

We came to understand the following three things must be in place in order for our marriage to work and our home to be happy. When these three things happen, our family dynamics are fluid and we are all in tune. When one item is missing, we are out of balance and out of sync. We currently use these three methods of protecting our relationship:

Remember that each of you has jobs to do at home. If you don’t do them, your spouse will find someone else to do them (including sex).Click here to tweet this
Be as good at your home jobs as you are at your regularly paid job. We understand that I do the laundry, cleaning and cooking; hubby helps with dishes after dinner; we both help with our daughter’s bedtime routine.

Be present when you are at home. Put your phone down, turn off the tv, look your spouse or children in the eyes when you speak, spend time with your dog, quit trying to get that last bit of work done before the next day. Enjoy your kids while they are awake. A lot of time, my husband gets some practicing done or writes another blog post after baby girl goes to bed. Once we figured out where the OFF button was on the TV, our communication increased and our productivity sky-rocketed!

Schedule time for yourself. Make it a priority for each of you to spend a little time doing whatever you want to do, whether that is watching TV, reading, exercising, or tinkering in the garage. When Dadda gets home, Mama is “off the clock” until dinner time, which means it’s one-on-one time for baby girl with Dadda. This allows me time to check facebook, exercise, finish up any projects that are covering the dinner table…. My hubby usually needs his daily dose of Jeopardy to make his world feel right again.

Protecting your marriage is crucial and takes work.Click here to tweet this
It requires patience, understanding, and flexibility. Just as in a music rehearsal, the three-part communication cycle must be present: hear, assess, do it again but better. Use these secrets to protect your marriage and avoid becoming another divorce statistic!

Discussion Question: What do you feel is an important part of a healthy marriage?


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